When you’ve been giving it your all at the gym and you’re tired and out of breath, there’s a long list of things you don’t want to hear your fitness instructor tell you… but that doesn’t stop them from irritating you at your most vulnerable moment. If you’ve ever had a personal trainer or been to a gym class, you’re bound to have heard at least one of the following:
“THAT WAS THE EASY PART!” or “THAT WAS JUST THE WARM-UP!”
….You don’t say? Gee, thanks for the heads up. We know you’re a fitness bad-ass; that’s why you’re the teacher. Do you really have to rub it in?
“FIND A PARTNER!”
Your initial thoughts are always “Aw, hell no.” So much to dislike about this, where to even begin? All of a sudden you’re back in your 5th grade P.E. class and getting picked last for dodgeball teams again.
Even if you do manage to find a suitable partner, the stilted introductions and small talk over the blaring music when you’re sweaty, stinky and out of breath is all kinds of awkward and that’s before you’re forced to get super intimate and do a partner exercise requiring you to swap DNA with a total stranger.
“HOW ARE YOU FEELING!?”
Oh, just fine. I’m ecstatic… I always frantically gasp for air and guzzle insane amounts of water when I’m feeling great.
Like waiters who only ask how everything is going when your mouth is stuffed with food, trainers have the same impeccable sense of timing and only ask this question after a soul and oxygen-sucking sprint. Yet they always seem surprised and disappointed when all they hear is crickets chirping in response. This always leads to the inevitable follow-up….
“THAT WAS WEAK! LET’S TRY THAT AGAIN!”
At this point, you can only let out a half-hearted whoop of fake enthusiasm with the last precious oxygen remaining in your lungs. Here, take my last breath, you merciless soul. Really, I don’t need it to breathe or anything.
COUNTING DOWN TOO SLOWLY OR REPEATING NUMBERS.
C’mon, man. That’s just mean.
Just because you don’t like the way my last 3 push ups looked doesn’t give you the right to hold me back from reaching my next set of reps.
“DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE!”
I’m not forgetting! You won’t (gasp)… let me (gasp)… catch my… breath.
Let’s stop lying to each other and pretending that you’re concerned about my oxygen intake.
“KEEP GOING WHILE I HELP THIS OTHER STUDENT OUT!”
Every time this happens, your heart drops into your stomach.
Translation: I’m going to totally forget about you while you’re sprinting on the treadmill at 11.0 for the next five minutes and then when I finally refocus my attention on you, it’ll be at the exact moment you step off from sheer exhaustion and then I’ll ask you….
“WHY ARE YOU STOPPING!?”
A rhetorical question, of course. But here are some of the literal answers: I’m exhausted, I have to fix my ponytail, I have to pee, I have to tie my shoelaces, I can’t breathe, I have to puke, etc.
“WE’RE ALMOST DONE!”
In other words, we’re really only halfway done. Why do you have to raise my hopes like that?
…. the list goes on.
What’s something crazy your fitness instructor yelled at you in the heat of a workout?
Share and let us know!
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